You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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