i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
