He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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