Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
