Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
