I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
