I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Drunk walkin through police station. America
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
