quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Its about making memories worth repressing
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
