THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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