Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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