you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
