And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
