Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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