like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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