Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
