at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
