Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
