god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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