I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
