so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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