for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Found the puke drawer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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