Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
