Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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