I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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