I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am naked and annoyed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
