"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
