just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
