I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
