butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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