Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
