i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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