Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
