Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
