In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
