Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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