come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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