I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
