i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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