I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
