Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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