I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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