I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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