My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
