last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
