and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
