I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
