I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
