We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
