So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
