I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
