I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
