so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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