I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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