how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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