I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
