There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she pinky promised me she was 18
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
