Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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