I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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