Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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