god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
