y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
