I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
