that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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