Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
