i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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