How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize