people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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